SEASONS

Dear Struggler,

Do you ever wonder why Yeshua chose to come as a child? He could have saved us in a second but He chose to be born as a man and lived life like a man then died like a man. That always made me question his intentions. What did He want to accomplish? What did He intend to show us who believed in Him? Well, I might not have the ‘right’ answers but I can give my two cents, and maybe, just maybe it could lead to something.

Like the frost on a rose, Winter comes for us all

Oh, how nature acquaints us, With the nature of patience

So, like a seed in the snow, I've been buried to grow

For Your promise is loyal, From seed to sequoia

There’s a sermon in the Bible that talks about faith being like a mustard seed and I was told that a mustard seed is really tiny then I googled it and yes, they are very tiny seeds. Now this seed grows to become a 30-metre long bush and Jesus if you do not know what 30-metres is then it’s equated to 100ft (now imagine 17 (6ft) doors piled vertically together. That’s a huge tree, isn’t it?

But, here’s my question, how does this tiny seed become such a huge tree? Now, I don’t have an answer to this so it becomes rhetoric but this seed is compared to my faith. So, is my faith that tiny before God’s eyes? How do I make it grow? Well, the Bible says that my faith grows by hearing and hearing the word of God… I like that but what if I have hit a wall and I am no longer hearing this word of God? Does that mean that my faith stagnates at that point? Or do I get to experience God in a new way and my faith grows slowly by seeing Him work in my life?

Though the winter is long, even richer, Is the harvest it brings

And though my waiting prolongs, even greater

Is Your promise for me, like a seed, I believe that my season will come

When I do find my way back to growing my faith, I tend to have these expectations of what I would like God to do for me but then I am often directed to a path of patience and waiting. This stage is a very annoying one since I know that I am not stagnant in my faith but at the same time I know I am not moving forward as I am at an impasse and need to wait to move to the next level. Oddly, no one tells you how painful it is to wait. You have seen the ending in your mind but the journey to get there seems trifling and you know that you will come out victorious but there isn’t much you can do about the waiting stage since like a seed you need time to grow and growth is a waiting game…

So like the low winter sun, So it is with Your love

As I gaze, I am blinded, In the light of Your brightness

So like a fire to the snow, I'm renewed in Your warmth

Oh, melt the ice of this wild soul, Till the barren is beautiful

Do you think Yeshua was afraid of time as He grew older? He always knew he would die at 33 and he still went ahead with His purpose. What do you think He felt like when he celebrated his 33^rd birthday? Did He take a deep breath and say, “Just a few more days and I have to die”. What thoughts ran through His mind at that moment when He saw his family and friends celebrating with Him but He was preparing to die? Uffff… the mere thought of it all has me on the verge of tears. And my faith should be similar to His?

Though the winter is long, even richer, Is the harvest it brings

And though my waiting prolongs, even greater,

Is Your promise for me, like a seed

I believe that my season will come

I struggle to fully accept that I should be like HIM. That I should walk like HIM, and become a representative of His works. I do not feel worthy as I have had moments where I have parked by my sin and also been comfortable wallowing in the dark depths of hell just cause I did not feel worthy of His Love. But Yeshua never did that. He was here for 33 years and spent all those days being holy and I have only been here for 25 years and I struggle to walk a whole week without finding myself in some sort of sin. It being an annoying client or maybe a movie character who pisses me off and I find myself cussing at his role… (that is also a sin for those of you readers who cussed at Joffrey while watching G.O.T), so how am I supposed to be like HIM?

I can see the promise, I can see the future

You're the God of seasons, I'm just in the winter

If all I know of harvest is that it's worth my patience

Then if You're not done workin', God, I'm not done waiting

Well, You can see my promise even in the winter

'Cause You're the God of greatness, even in a manger

For all I know of seasons is that You take Your time

You could have saved us in a second, instead, You sent a child

Takes me to my opening lines, why did God send Yeshua as a child? Was it for me to see how one is supposed to grow or rather for me to know that my situation is no different from His while he was here…physically that is. But again, I didn’t fully comprehend that I was a child of God till I turned 21 and He knew his position and his roles from the moment he took his first breath in the physical realm. So, do I sin because I do not know my role? Naaah, I am just finding excuses to justify my weaknesses. I know I should be better but there are days that ‘righteousness’ seems too hard of a thing to do.

Though the winter is long, even richer

Is the harvest it brings

And though my waiting prolongs, even greater

Is Your promise for me, like a seed

I believe that my season will come

For one day, I'll see my tree

'Cause I believe there's a season to come

With that said, I guess I’ll just have to pick myself up and try being a man that pleases God. He does tell me to try and please Him. Not to please Him but to try. That to me is very powerful because I know I can spend eternity being holy or righteous but still find that I never pleased him. I’m still not sure what pleasing means to God but I know my season will and I will have my answers and do just that. Till then I will listen to the word of God and hear it again and again and maybe just maybe my seed will grow and not be stunted.

Finally, brethren, take your time to look unto your journey in the matters of your faith. It will be tough but I think we have all seen the ending of everything we believe in so let’s work towards being more patient and waiting for all that is good to come to us.